The Perplexities of Bitterness

I am pretty bitter towards many areas in my life. I feel loneliness in such extremes I can find no escape. I have found my fondest ideals a shattered illusion of a pre-teen era that never came of age. Life is a bitter cold experience warmed only by the outstretched arms of comfort of loved ones, but they are so distant to my heart. I see vast waste of existence within myself with no room for growth even to a half measure of contentment. I see reality but feel fiction. I know what is right but am apathetic in cause. I see strife and feel a bond thereof, but have no answers. Emotions are written but cry in their inability to maintain a meager existence. In essence, I may be man. A confused and frustrated entity of oblivious nothingness, again striving to attain Utopia. I am no different than any man, but have no bond with the future. Is it because of my own lack of maturity or intuition, or dare I blame it on the souls of the troding bigots of my generation?

Dare I be so bold as to conjure life's entity by blatant and false dedications with traditional misrepresentations of fairness. Am I the man that I am because of hapless fate or because of an innate desire driven to failure - to reap the facade of joy that is granted in pity? Should one's ballot go to an unknown savior of the masses who gives cause to the multitudes by his obscurities, generalities, thus given from an illegitimate throne over the nations? Should I show blind obedience to a man for the simplistic reasoning of blind patriotism - casting my intelligence into the ocean of believers - shedding my blinders with a heart such a cesspool of hate that truth can not be seen. Is this darkness that surrounds me my sanctuary or my purgatory? Shall I exorcise my hand-molded shell and begin anew? Shall I fall to a knee and beg a forlorn god to grant me a futile field in life of which to reap the dissimilar values of solid obscurities? I can not say for now, but I do know that I will strive to lessen the pain. And when this dark cloud passes from above me and the sun shines again, the world may be anew.

I just may look back upon this disdainful period of my life and gaze into the face of a man, whose most formidable foe is ignorance. Once conquering this evidence and creating a new hold on honesty perhaps there will be found peace of heart. But until that time, I will still be pretty bitter towards many areas of my life.